I skipped work to stalk him.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
