And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
