end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
