apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
