I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
