i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As shirtless as possible
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
