So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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