During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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