He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
