Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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