I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
