you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
