your thong is hanging out like whoa
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So. Much. Porn.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
