i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
