you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize