You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
