I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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