I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
