I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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