I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
