GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
