no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
