Already got asked if we're dating
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
