Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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