his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
