The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
