Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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