How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
