I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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