He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
