How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
