I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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