Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
