1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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