I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
