There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
