I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
