Can i not drive my cunt home
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
