Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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