I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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