I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
