one word: firstdatebathroomanal
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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