I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I smell like Dick and happiness
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
