the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
