...so i touched it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
