drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
