Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
