Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
