she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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