I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
