I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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